I bet you’ve come across people in life that live unapologetically – aka “the fearless ones”. If you’ve ever wanted to stop caring about the opinions of others and show up to the world boldly, I’m sharing my top 15 tips on what it takes to be unapologetic in your life.
unapologetic
[ uhn-uh-pol-uh–jet-ik ]
adjective
Not feeling or saying you are saying sorry for what you have done, especially when other people would expect you to feel or say sorry.
Being unapologetic is when you fully accept yourself as the unique individual you are & no longer seek outside validation or approval in order to feel good enough or worthy. It’s about stripping back all the layers of who society taught you to be and expressing yourself fully without caring about being judged, rejected, or laughed at.
Strength and success in life are a result of having the right mindset and the right team around you. Living unapologetically is THE WAY to navigate life, act on your ambitions, and stand in your power knowing full well that the rest of the world will sit back and judge you for not remaining the same. With their heads held high, unapologetic people live boldly, share what’s on their minds, and have a light-hearted approach to life that is admirable and even enviable.
Why the fuck are we still trying to fit in?
One of the most basic of all human desires is to feel accepted, understood, heard, and to be part of the tribe. This tribal-seeking behavior can be traced back to our hunter-gatherer days. We as a race may have moved on past tribes but we still very much cling to (mostly) meaningless identities and the tribalism that spawns them. Identity politics is the modern incarnation of this. Our brains are still hard-wired to shut up, be docile, and go along with the wants and needs of the tribe in order to survive.
Nowadays, this outdated mindset shows up in our need to create a version of ourselves who we think we should be according to everyone else, constantly trying to fit in and seek outside validation and acceptance, so much so that we completely lose ourselves in the process.
“She’s just so unapologetic!” is a compliment that I have gotten consistently throughout my life. I’ve also heard “didn’t look like you cared,” or “why can’t you just act this way…” on repeat for the past 20+ years. People will rebel when you act in opposition to the version of you they want you to be.
As someone who moved around a lot as a kid and called 3 different continents “home” before the age of 15, I am pretty familiar with feeling like an “outsider.” My youth was spent making myself small to appease others for the sake of fitting in. I felt like a hoax, completely detached from who I was as a person. Once I put myself first, I realized that once you drop the mask & fully show up as yourself (flaws and all) you will find out rather quickly who really is meant to be part of your journey and who isn’t.
Our time on this planet is limited. Don’t waste this precious time trying to impress people who do not make you feel seen, loved, or appreciated.
Ready to drop the mask? Let’s dive in
Reading List:
- Unapologetically Ambitious: Take Risks, Break Barriers, and Create Success on Your Own Terms by Shellye Archambeau
- Girl On Fire: How to be Unapologetic, Burn the Rule Book, and Blaze Your Own Trail in Life and Business by Cara Alwill Leyba
- The Confidence Code: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know by Katty Kay
- Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead by Sheryl Sandberg
Be true to yourself
You are a unique person, special and one of a kind – born with unique abilities, talents, & interests to get you through life. When you’re constantly thinking about yourself in terms of how others see you, think about you, and perceive you, you create a cage for yourself.
Wearing a social mask and putting up a show when you’re in the presence of others is a sad way to live your life.
No matter how good you try to be there will always be that negative nancy in the corner pissed off at you, trying to tell you who to be and what to do. Your life will be happier and more fulfilled when you live a life guided by your inner compass instead of the opinion of the people around you.
Happiness is an inside job. So resolve to live unapologetically by listening to your heart and doing what feels right. Be your own person, do what you love doing and make choices that resonate with your inner self and are in line with your values and principles.
In a world that profits from your self-doubt, loving yourself is a revolutionary act. Most people don’t even like themselves, so what does it matter what they think of you?
Honor the promises you make to yourself
How many times have you written “start running or daily yoga practice” on your New Years’ resolutions list? What happens after that “New year, new me” energy starts to dissipate somewhere in the second month?
Not upholding the little promises that you make to yourself decreases your sense of self-worth. When you build your sense of self-worth on internal factors and finally give yourself everything you’ve ever wanted you will stop accepting the bare minimum from others. 30-day sports challenges, new hobbies, or difficult solo activities are great ways to build confidence in yourself.
A great journaling practice is having a section in your journal where you document the little wins of your daily life. Another trick I find works in building self-worth is what I like to call “1% better.” Make a list of what can you do every day that will make yourself 1% better. In 3 months you will be an entirely different person.
If you have a to-do list full of things you’ve been putting off for the past few months go ahead and do them. TODAY.
You can be anything and achieve anything you want. Focus on yourself. Set meaningful goals and embark on your journey of success.
Read The Latest Self-Improvement Tips:
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Stop apologizing & Making Excuses
Saying “I’m sorry” used to be a bad habit of mine. It was one of those automatic responses given even when it didn’t make sense. The second I stopped being ashamed of every little thing and apologizing even when I didn’t truly mean it was when the game changed for me.
You are a complex, intense, real human being that has a slew of emotions that deserve to be let out when necessary. Constantly dimming yourself for the sake of others will only lead to resentment later on in your relationships.
Save “sorry” for when you truly are sorry about something.
Own your problems
Have you made yourself so readily available for other people and their problems but never ask for help in return? Are you a charity?
Got something that’s been on the back burner for months but hasn’t been done because you’re too afraid to ask for help? Learn how to ask for help from others. Problems will only get more complex as you get older. Every year of your life will come with its own unique set of problems for you to deal with. Your life will be determined by how you deal with setbacks and respond to uncertainty so never be afraid to ask your circle for help.
Observe how you face problems in life. Not being able to ask for help is a trauma response you have from having no one to rely on when you were younger.
Use Your Voice
There are a lot of serious issues we face in this country and the world, and now more than ever we need to speak our truth, share our stories, ideas, and perspectives, and use our voices to advocate for ourselves and the issues we care about.
As women, it can often take a while to come into a sense of our true voice. It took me quite a long time to develop a voice, and now that I have it, I am no longer silent about the things I’m passionate about. It’s perfectly normal for people to have different opinions but one thing truly unapologetic people do is create space for themselves and others to communicate openly.
Dare to take risks
You will never grow in the comfort zone you’ve created for yourself. Your need for control and safety has confined you to a life where you’re living below your potential because you say no to newer experiences and possibilities.
Everything that’s truly meaningful in life is on the other side of taking risks. Sure there’s an initial unsettling feeling when you take a plunge into the unknown, but unapologetic people are okay with feeling anxious, fearful, and uncertain while exploring uncharted waters.
Unapologetic people don’t resist fear, they learn to use fear as fuel.
Take a piece of paper and write down all the things you’re afraid of doing and why. Then write down the things you will lose by not going after things. Most things that we worry about never happen. Identify and overcome the mental barriers keeping you stuck and ruthlessly edit them until you are 100% confident in your abilities.
Another thing to work on is understanding what your limiting beliefs are. I’m working on a post about limiting beliefs so make sure to circle back in a few weeks’ time.
So what if people will judge you? They’ll judge you regardless. I bet there is someone out in the world talking about you right now. So what. Start that business, that blog, or that TikTok. Put yourself out there.
Choose to put yourself first
Be prepared to disappoint some people with this one. Especially if you’re known for being the “good girl” – always making sure everyone is comfortable and happy even if it means neglecting your own needs in the process.
But we’re not doing that anymore, are we?
Now, You are your topmost priority.
You are the most important person in your life, and you matter the most. Create boundaries. Be willing to cut ties with anyone that crosses them. Be fine with being completely alone. Disappear and rebuild your life from scratch.
Develop a deep understanding of who you are down to the last fiber of your being so that you will no longer depend on others to tell you who you are or how to live.
Don’t know yourself outside of your relationship with others? One of my favorite posts on getting to know yourself is 70 Questions To Ask Yourself for Self-Discovery.
Don’t shy away from keeping your welfare and well-being at the front and center of your mind.
For More Practical Self-Improvement Tips:
70 Journal Prompts For Self-Discovery
9 Habits To Add To Your Morning Routine For A Great Day
20 Ways To Practice Self-Care
15 Habits Successful Women Practice Daily
45 Life-Changing Challenges To Try This Month
5 Empowering Books For Female Entrepreneurs
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8 Great Podcasts For Ambitious Millenials
Say No
Warren Buffet once said, “The difference between successful people and really successful people is those really successful people say no to almost everything.”
Have the courage to disappoint others. Give up the idea that adults can’t deal with being disappointed. Be prepared to turn down opportunities, experiences, & meetings, that are not aligned with your highest self.
When you ask the universe to take you to the next level, don’t be surprised when every person preventing progress is removed from your life.
Move on when it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do
Moving on and letting go of the people no longer meant to be part of our journey is easily one of the most difficult things to do. When you put time, energy, and love into something, you want to see it work. What if it isn’t working? How long do you hold on? That answer is ultimately up to you, but if you feel it deep down inside, chances are it’s time to take a risk and leave.
You don’t have to apologize, feel sorry, or be regretful about letting go of things, people, memories, or dreams that have outlived their utility in your life; they serve no purpose and only keep you tied to an old version of yourself.
Your need for fairness or an apology/explanation has put your life on hold. Be ruthless and block/delete people who have hurt you. Bury the past. Keep the lessons.
Forgive
You’re probably wondering why I just said move on, then tell you to forgive yourself and others.
We are all human. We all make some weird, mindless, irrational decisions because no one is perfect & sometimes we are just the collateral damage in someone else’s war against themselves.
Forgiveness creates peace in your heart and mind, allowing you to heal and move on. The past will hold you hostage, and forgiveness sets you free.
Strong and unapologetic people have mastered the art of forgiveness. They can forgive someone who hasn’t apologized while simultaneously creating a boundary with the person. They are unafraid about declaring this boundary with this person and if that line is crossed will be willing to cut that person’s access to them – indefinitely if possible.
Speaking of forgiveness, don’t forget to forgive yourself.
Change what doesn’t work for you
Time to get rid of bad habits and replace them with empowering ones.
Drink too much on the weekend? Enough of that. Alcohol and drugs don’t reduce your anxiety and consuming these things aren’t fun. Alcohol and drugs are just a form of self-destructive escapism that keeps you from doing the deep work you need to do in order to enter the next season of your life. The only thing they do is make you poorer, dumber, & fatter.
Change is constant, and you must accept and embrace it fully. When you remove the redundant and unnecessary from your life, you make space for newer and more valuable things into your life.
Appreciate your body
Having grown up and spent most of my 20s in Los Angeles, I’ve mingled and talked to some of the world’s most beautiful women – and even after all of these encounters, I still have yet to meet a person who is 100% happy with their physical appearance.
I’m sure you know exactly what you don’t like about yourself. We all struggle with our bodies and self-image. Unapologetic people understand that they have so much more to offer than just their looks.
They know that every human being on this planet is worthy of love and acceptance.
Self-love exercise: Take a few moments and write down a few things that you love about yourself… both inside and out. Once you have it written down, put it somewhere you’ll always see it and remind yourself just how great you are.
Or better yet, stick a picture of the younger version of yourself on your bathroom mirror. When you speak negatively about yourself, you’re actually speaking negatively to the little version of yourself. Warning: this exercise isn’t for the weak and may be triggering.
Stop Being So Judgemental
In a world comprised of so many different cultures and nationalities, many people find it easier to judge others rather than accept their differences.
Stop judging people. Focus on yourself. The only person who you should aim to be better than is the person you were yesterday.
Don’t be dishonest
You’re not doing anyone any favors with your white lies and fake platitudes.
Genuine people with open minds are the only people worth keeping in your circle and being honest about your feelings is a great way to repel fake people and haters. The right people will stay in your orbit because they know they can count on you for honest feedback.
Take Time To Do What Brings You Joy
When was the last time you did something only for yourself without the fear of judgment? Another big lesson when learning how to be unapologetic is knowing when to treat yourself and do things that bring you joy without feeling guilty about it.
As a busy woman juggling two businesses, taking time off just to recharge my batteries and prioritize health and well-being was never a top priority for me. Rest is important and if you’re an introvert like me then it’s 100% a requirement that helps me avoid burnout. If you need a few days to recharge between social gatherings you need to be unapologetic in saying no.
What hobbies allow you to recharge your batteries and establish a deeper connection to yourself? Is it cooking? Taking a solo trip? Horseback riding? Pottery? I want you to place these activities at the top of your to-do list from now on.
Thanks for reading! In what ways are you unapologetic in your own life? Make sure to share your opinions on how to be unapologetic in the comments below.
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